Wednesday, September 21, 2011


Ive tried to come back here and write, to write about Grace's funeral or other things about her or  write about my feelings, my brokeness. Each time I try, I cannot. I'm not sure why but I cannot bring myself to write on this blog or publish the few posts I have attempted..I do not know why. I know I still have alot of pageviews so, I wanted to say, I am surviving. Barely but I am. I have 3 sons so to not is not an option. Inside I am just broken. There is no other way for me to describe how I feel. Maybe it's just too painful. Maybe this post will help to bring me around to writing again. I don't know.
I would give anything, in a heartbeat to have the most beautiful girl in the world back in my arms. I wanted to bring her home so badly, but if it meant having her alilve, I'd drive to U of M every day for the rest of my life.
Please don't stop thinking of my absolutely amazing daughter. She may not have survived CDH and PPHN but she was an amazing fighter.


  1. I have been thinking of Grace often and you all. I will always remember her and how hard she fought.
    CDH Mama

  2. Hi Miranda,

    I have watched your blog and prayed for you & your family since Grace passed.

    My little CDH angel, Mattiaus, passed away a few days prior to Grace - he was 11.5 months, at home, on a little whisp of o2 and doing great overall. It was completley unexpected and so very sudden. He was our everything and we miss him tremendously.

    I know how you feel about being empty - both inside my heart and also my arms are empty. My husband & I are doing okay, suviving and "making it", but the grief sometimes washes over like a wave, barely able to breath when I think too much, or hear a certain song, or little things that just remind me of him.

    Please know you are not alone, like these words even help right? If you wish to talk or vent or cry or whatever please email me at

    I know our babies are in Heaven, with no oxygen and are so very happy, waiting for us and probably playing together :)

    Take care of yourself.
    Momma to Angel Mattiaus

  3. I too think of you all often. Grace was an amazing girl and I know I will never forget her. Hugs.

    Michele - Mom to CDHer Andrew

  4. Miranda, it took me more than a year for me to post again on our blog...and that was only because we were expecting another baby (and I was well past the miscarriage date - I wrote in hindsight).

    There is no right way to mourn Grace and don't let other's expectations dictate when YOU are ready to take the next step (whether that step is forward, back or to the side).

    Grace was and is an incredible little girl. She fought so incredibly hard and I know you are so incredibly proud of everything she did accomplish. I'm so very touched to have been someone looking in on her life and her brave fight with CDH.

    Renee B

  5. Miranda, I have not forgotten Grace. These other babies fighting alongside our Samuel (who was born Feb. 1/11), whether they be angels or still here in our arms, are part of his community of CDH children. Grace is part of our story too, part of our hearts. She is meaningful out here in the world too and we will hold that while you stand in your pain. I can't imagine your grief. I am glad you wrote to share it. It doesn't matter how the words come out.

    Sending strength and peace to you.
    CDH Mama to Samuel

  6. She was beautiful and amazing and a fighter. I will never stop thinking about her Miranda. Never.

    Janna Caravia

  7. Miranda,
    I will never forget Grace. Her life has touched me so much. I don't even know why since I never even met her. She is just that powerful, I guess. I think, in grief, something that's hard to deal with is life moving on all around you. It doesn't seem like it should, that everyone should stop and grieve with you. But please don't worry about Grace being forgotten because she won't be. (((hugs)))

  8. I think of you and Grace every single day.....Sending prayers of strength your way..
    Carrie Baker